Fifteen years is (and isn’t) a long time. When you’re 22, I guess it’s a pretty long time. It’s long enough to shape a few dreams, let go of a few, pursue new dreams.
It’s enough time to grow a marriage, a family, and start a life.
Fifteen years ago today, I looked up into Casey’s eyes and gave him every bit of my heart, my life, and my future. These are the vows I spoke to him on January 1, 1995:
Melissa, will you vow to love, honor and cherish him as a gift from God? [I Will] Will you vow to encourage him and to pray with him and for him daily? Will you vow to work beside Casey to create a home that is a witness of God’s love? [I Will] Will you vow to be his best friend and companion ’til the end of time? [I Will]
[Exchange of rings]
Casey, I give you this ring as a lifelong reminder of my unending love and devotion to you. With God’s help, I vow to love and encourage you, respect and honor you, and to affirm my love for you with a kiss each day.
Of course, I had no idea what I was getting myself into at the time. You never do when you stand there in a white dress, full of love and hope. But I promised to stick with him until ‘the end of time’. We constructed our own vows and I choose that line intentionally–young love just seemed to full to end ‘when parted by death’. I think this gives me permission to haunt him if I go first.
We’ve had a great first 15 years together. We have 3 spectacular children (I’m allowed to say that–I’m the mom) and a comfortable life that is rich with family and friends. There have been times when I have been so mad at Casey that I wanted to leave him, hurl insults (which I have), or poke him with something very, very sharp. But mostly, I am enourmously proud of him. Because we got married so young, I feel like we’ve grown up together. I have watched him struggle to find his way as a man, and as the man God wants him to be. I have seem him take scary steps. I have seen him standfast when it would’ve been easier to relent (sometimes to me). My respect and admiration for this man I choose to link my life to grows as I learn more about him.
I think what has sustained us through the turmoil that 15 years brings to anyone’s life is that we face it as a team. We agree on the big things and work to respect each other on the not so big things. We know that the ‘D’ word is not an option–we don’t even joke about it. I understand that I can work through whatever my irritation is, or I can live with it for the next 60 years in misery. That shapes my thinking about the struggles we face and forces me to work towards a solution, sometimes very painfully (I am an inherently selfish girl, turns out).
We’ve made some dramatic changes in our life in the last few months, and I suspect that we have a bit of a rocky road ahead of us. The next 15 years will prove to be an interesting adventure, I’m sure. Glad I’ll be working through it with my best friend.
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“I understand that I can work through whatever my irritation is, or I can live with it for the next 60 years in misery.” So true, my friend. I was told once, “Do you want to be right or do you want a relationship?” Thanks for the reminder and congrats to you and Casey!
Am considering “renewing” my vows with the wyfe sometime, on some meaningful anniversary. Didn’t write the originals down (they were probably the old stand-bys), but have a strong feeling that the “renewed” ones will in all likelihood be a long string of apologies… ;o/
Thanks Alyssa! Fifteen years isn’t long enough to have much figured out. I love your quote about being right or having a relationship–love it.
Wry Mouth–hahaha! Mine would be a list of apologies mixed in with ‘thank you’s’. :)
I’m the luckey one. Only more exciting years ahead with my best friend.
Love it. That was beautiful, Melis. I am so proud of you two. I have had the honor of watching you two from a very young age, to know being married and a parent myself. I have to say that I have enjoyed, very much, watching and learning from you both. Casey, you are the greatest man (aside from my husband) that I have ever known. Melissa, I am so blessed to have you as my sister-friend. Congratualtions on 15 years. Heres to many, many more. :o)