An open letter to my fellow citizens:
To the mom in the car loop who INSISTS that she (and she alone) can park her car in the DRIVING LANE of the loop, thus making EVERYONE wait as she blocks traffic. Because, apparently, she and her child are so special that the rest of us should ALL WAIT. Honestly, woman. If you need to supervise your kid that closely; park, get your butt out of the car, and walk them to the line. ARGH!
To the man who gave me the evil eye at the grocery store. Yes, Toddlers have meltdowns. In the most inconvenient places. Like the dairy section. I wish I had a nanny, too. Instead of huffing USELESSLY maybe you could help me out by grabbing that gallon of milk I am struggling to get while I keep my kid from launching herself out of the cart? Be a pal?
To that teen who is SMOKING while she DRIVES and TEXTS! Girlfriend, I am a big fan of multitasking, but for crying out loud–pick ONE (I advise against the smoking, it makes you look icky–just as a helpful tip). You are freaking us all out as you weave.
Oh, and speaking of smoking–to that gross man who flicked his cigarette butt out the window–why? You think the rest of us want to pick it up? ‘Cause you are so much more special then us? Ever heard of a brush fire? As if you sharing your carcinogenic smoke with my children were not bad enough…
To the lady at the post office–yeah, thanks for holding the door for me. Nope, you opted to sprint ahead of me, rushing to get your little package sent off. Did it make you feel better to beat me in the door? I hope the victory was sour all day long–it’s not hard to win when your opponent is herding small children and balancing a few large packages. Good for you, sweetie.
To the women who INSIST on talking on their cell phones in every public bathroom I’m in (which is alot of them, with 3 little girls). HONESTLY–ya can’t wait a few minutes? Do you REALLY think people want to talk to you that badly? Or hear all those flushing and other sounds? Jeepers, get some perspective. Even if the information was that important–what are you going to do about it for the next 2-3 minutes? Let the call go to voicemail, for heaven’s sake. And wash your hands. Ick.
And finally, to the people who bring their small children to adult movies. Your kids DO NOT need to see the movie. It is scaring them. You are mean and TOTALLY selfish to subject your little kids to such frightening things. GET A SITTER! or WAIT for it to come out on DVD.
Someone who has to live on this small planet with you
Whew. Well. I feel better.